I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
