They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
