she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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