i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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