I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize