i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
