I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
did you just send me my own nude
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
