i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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