someone get that fucking seahorse.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
