did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
