I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
