Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
