I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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