I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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