I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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