I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
