'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize