Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
