and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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