I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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