Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
