shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
