i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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