I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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