I wanna bring you to show and tell
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
