He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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