Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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