Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
