These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
