I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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