if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are the jesus of drinking
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
