i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
