I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
