take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
