Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
