i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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