is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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