If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
