You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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