what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
