yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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