I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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