"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
