put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
