is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize