1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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