He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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