i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
