Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
