no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
