so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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