I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
