I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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