so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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