your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have demons in me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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