living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
