Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
