So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize