yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
