look no pants
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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