how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
