discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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