please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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