They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
