His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
