My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
