apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
