I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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