I want to have your abortion
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
