i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's blow job season.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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