He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
