bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
