My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How does one acquire holy water?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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