I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
