i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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