Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
