I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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