Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
