We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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