I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
