i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
