chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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