I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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