john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
