She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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