If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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