You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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