Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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