Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
