If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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