He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
