If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize