I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
